Navigating Connection: A Transgender Woman's Relationship Journey

I feel this article is more about language, communication skills, and the human mind's perplexing logic in how individual choices are made in correlation to relationships, rather than anything else.

Throughout my transition, I have joined many groups to establish a form of relationship—be it platonic friendships, romantic ones (dating), or the possibility for something a little bit more serious and involved. Throughout my interactions, I came across many types of people who showed some form of interest in me for various reasons, which I am about to explain.

But, before I can get into my own understanding of the different relationships I have experienced thus far, I feel the need to interject about my own relationship status and orientation; this will become very relevant as you read throughout this article.

My Orientation and Current Relationship Status

I identify as a pansexual, polyromantic, and demisexual individual, and I am in a polyamorous relationship. This means my attractions aren't limited by sex or gender, and I can be attracted to multiple people, though the intensity and timing of those attractions can vary. My relationship with my polycule partners, who are lesbian cis-women, are unique. The circumstances that brought us together were unusual, and we've shared a long and loving bond that still continues to this day.

My polyamorous relationship with Kissra (from high school) and Kate and Angie (from my adult-entertainment days in Montreal in 2002) were never rooted in physical attraction. Instead, circumstance brought us together, and over time, our interactions blossomed into an inseparable and deeply loving connection.

I am also asexual, meaning I experience no sexual attraction to anyone. I've written a detailed article about asexuality, which you can read here: https://lgbtq-sara.blogspot.com/2025/06/discovering-ace-my-journey-to.html

In the conclusion of this article, I will specify the kind of relationship I am seeking and explain why.

Classifying My Relationship Experiences

Based on my understanding and personal opinion, I've categorized my relationship experiences into the following types:

Sexual Relationships

These involve people, generally men, whose sole interest in me is sexual. They perceive me as a pre-operative transgender woman, meaning I still have male anatomy. Their general assumption is that heterosexual men won't typically engage in sexual relationships outside of those with cis-women. Therefore, they see me, as a transgender woman, as more open-minded and accommodating, partly because they believe it's harder for transgender women to find relationships than it is for cis-women. Their interest is typically to be a "bottom" while I "top" in a one-night-stand type of encounter.

Let me be absolutely clear: this is not who I am, nor am I interested in such relationships.

Interest in My Female Partner(s)

These are cis-men whose only interest in befriending me is to somehow gain access to my female partners, specifically Kissra. Kissra has an extensive online presence in the BDSM/fetish community as a Dominant-Mistress. This attracts cis-men who, from their perspective, seek a cis-woman like Kissra who accepts their queer fetish and can satisfy their temporary urges to be a submissive man, feminized and dominated by a ciswoman Mistress.

Additionally, Kissra's involvement in the adult industry with myself, Kate, and Angie (the four of us form our polycule family) attracts cis-men who assume Kissra will be open to sexual relationships with them. Of course, this couldn't be further from the truth.

Kissra has written an excellent article about this very topic, which you can read here: https://kissra-writings.blogspot.com/2025/07/understanding-my-boundaries-business-vs.html

Genuine Friendships

These are my absolute favorites. These individuals do not sexualize my female polycule partners and have no interest in them beyond being generally friendly and polite. They genuinely desire my friendship and appreciate my company without hidden agendas. Such people are rare and precious, and I value them immensely. Over time, true intentions become clear as the veil lifts, revealing people's true intentions. When their friendship remains consistent, a bond forms, and a deeper connection is forged. I've found very few people like this, and I hold them dear to my heart.

Genuine Romantic Relationships

The people in this category genuinely seek a semi-long-term romantic/sexual relationship with me. I have great interest in such relationships because they offer me the relatively new experience of navigating the world as an out transgender woman from a different perspective than before my transition. This type of relationship provides me with the confidence that, outside my polycule, I am desired and can be loved. It also offers a form of validation for my existence in general.

This type of relationship can evolve in many directions:

• It can be temporary, offering mutual support through life's obstacles. The feeling of being intimately close to someone is a significant confidence builder, even if temporary.

• It provides a boost outside a loving polycule, further solidifying a healthy outlook on life in general.

• With time and consistency, it can evolve to become more permanent, potentially adding a fifth member to our four-member polycule.

• Depending on the depth of the connection, this type of relationship can even evolve to become separate from my polycule. While extremely rare and requiring specific, consistent conditions over time, it's not impossible.

Conclusion: Embracing Authentic Connection

This journey through my relationship experiences highlights a fundamental truth: authenticity is the bedrock of meaningful connection. While the path has presented its share of complexities—from navigating misinformed assumptions about my identity as a pre-operative transgender woman to dealing with those who seek to exploit my partners—it has also illuminated the profound beauty of genuine human interaction.

The desire for validation and belonging is universal, and for me, as a transgender individual, it takes on a unique significance. My polycule provides an incredible foundation of love and acceptance, a secure space where I am truly seen and cherished. However, the experiences I've categorized—the misdirected sexual advances, the attempts to access my partners, and the rare but precious genuine friendships and romantic interests—underscore the ongoing need to seek out connections that resonate with who I am, beyond preconceived notions or superficial desires.

Ultimately, what I seek in future relationships, outside of my established polycule, is a genuine romantic connection that honors my whole self. This means finding individuals who are interested in me for who I am as a pansexual, polyromantic, demisexual, and asexual transgender woman. I want relationships built on mutual respect, understanding, and a shared desire for emotional intimacy, whether temporary or long-lasting. These connections offer not only the joy of companionship but also a powerful form of affirmation—a testament to my worth and desirability in the broader world. They are opportunities to deepen my understanding of myself and to continue building a life rich with diverse and meaningful bonds. The journey of self-discovery and relationship building is ongoing, and I approach it with an open heart, ready to embrace the authentic connections that await.